Fighting The Truth
by theworld.isgonnaknow.yourname
Summary: Dianna took a big step last night. Can she handle what she has done? Achele.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own Glee or any of the characters. Or the actors/actresses.

**A/N: **I wrote this one shot a couple of days after Dianna wore her 'Likes Girls' shirt on tour and posted that essay on Tumblr. It is based on that time. I didn't really want to post this, but I wrote so I thought what the hell. :p

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><p>"I can't post this"<p>

Dianna pouted, looking at the screen in front of her. She had been working on this post for her blog for hours and even though she knew it was written fantastically, it still didn't feel right.

"Come on Di, you know you have to" Lea rubbed circles on her back to calm the frustrated girl down. She held her head in her hands with her elbows on her desk, trying her hardest to concentrate on Lea's comforting gesture.

"Why is it always me who has to do this stuff?" she felt the emotion build up in her but she wouldn't let it out.

"You're the one who decided to wear the shirt, sweetheart"

Dianna sighed. Lea was right. What had she been thinking? She knew in the back of her mind what would happen when she wore the shirt, she just didn't think about it in the long run.

She thought back to all the times she had carefully deflected the conversations when someone would suggest she was in a relationship with Lea - or even when she mentioned it herself when it wasn't necessary. If she just said one word to confirm it, it would all be out in the open. No more hiding.

The times she'd post something on Twitter meaning for it to be sent as a direct message or posted something after too much to drink. She never had the guts to own up to what was really happening. She laughed bitterly to herself at how transparent she must be. Blaming a hacker? She knew no one believed them stories that happened far too often.

This time she went out on stage wearing a shirt saying 'Likes Girls' and now was regretting it. She hated herself for her reasons why. She makes herself come across as a strong person but she's really not. She looks up at the screen again and tears immediately come to her eyes. She hates crying and she avoids doing it at all costs but it has now got too much for her.

Every time she's almost there that voice in the back of her head screams at her to stop. She hates herself for always taking one step forward and two steps back. Always denying or deflecting what she has caused. She knows deep down that it's not the right time but she can never help herself taking that step forward in the hope she can just get over herself and do the right thing for once. But every single time she gets closer, she can't stand the way she makes herself feel when she puts a stop to it all once again.

Lea wrapped her arm around Dianna's shoulders and held her close after noticing the tears in her eyes. It was familiar yet unusual for her to see her like this. She placed a gentle kiss on the side of her head to calm her down.

"I shouldn't post this, Lea" the blonde stressed, waving her hand towards the screen. "There's me saying about how people should embrace who they are and all that when I'm here still hiding. What kind of person does that make me? Telling people to be brave but I can't even be brave myself"

"You took a big step last night, babe, a really big step. I know you thought this could be it but I can see it even when you can't. You're just not ready for this yet"

Dianna lifted her hand to Lea's which was still resting on her shoulder and held it so she could feel even closer to her girlfriend.

"I hate that I can't be ready but I hate it even more that I feel like I'm forcing myself to write this and telling the world I'm not a lesbian. I can't do it. How can I say all this and say I'm not gay even though I fall asleep next to you almost every night, wake up next to you almost every morning, make love to you, tell you I love you. How?"

"You're scared" Lea told her quietly while looking at Dianna's reflection in the computer screen. She closed her eyes when she saw a tear fall from the blonde's eyes and made no attempt to wipe it away.

"I shouldn't be. I can't be" she shook her head violently with her eyes tightly shut. Lea knew this was a way to stop her from crying.

"But you are and I totally get it. It's not like you're lying though, is it?"

"I am lying though. I'm telling them I'm not gay yet I'm with you"

"But you're not a lesbian, are you? You may be in love with me, sweetie, but you like guys, too"

"I just don't get what I'm trying to prove. I know that sounds so damn stupid as I'm the one writing this, I'm the one who wore that stupid shirt last night. I don't even know what I'm doing. How much more fucked up can I get?"

Lea tightened her grip on her girlfriend and used her free hand to cup her face to turn it towards her. When Dianna opened her eyes, the brunette pressed her lips to her partners.

"Baby, you took a huge step last night. Bigger than any you've ever done before and I am so proud of you for that. I'll be even more proud of you when you admit that you're just not ready for this"

"I... I'm not. But you are and I feel so guilty all the ti-" she was cut off as Lea kissed her again and pulled her into a hug.

"You need to stop fighting with yourself, Di" she whispered into her ear and kissed her neck. "Don't you worry about me"

"It's always on my mind though. Whenever I make these decisions that'll tell the world that I'm with you... you're always the first thing and mainly the only thing on my mind. I always have butterflies... then after I immediately realize what I've done and I want to take it back. Last night was something new to me. I really thought that was going to be it even though I nearly threw up before we went on stage. I really thought after the performance that I was going to be out and I was going to stay out. Then this morning... reading all the tweets... I just can't do it, Lea." she mumbled the last sentence into Lea's neck. The brunette felt her girlfriends tears coating her skin as she felt her own heart break for Dianna's insecurities.

"What was it about the tweets that made you want to deny it?" she asked quietly, running her fingers up and down her back.

"It just made me realize how big all of this is. How real it is. But the worst thing is if I post this blog... ugh, Lea, I got a lot of homophobic tweets from so called fans about me wearing that shirt. What worries me the most is if I post this blog and deny that I'm gay, we'll lose some of our fans and then if - when - we do come out, they'll hate us... hate me for ever denying it in the first place. Seeing I was one of the scared ones. They'll be asking why all over again"

"Look at how many Achele fans, or whatever they call us, we have already and we've never confirmed anything"

"We never technically denied it either, though"

"Still, we've got thousands of fans. Most of which I'd bet my bank on will still support us when we do come out, even if we deny it now. You're not ready, sweetheart, and you're the only one I'm thinking about. We will get a hell of a lot of support but for now, you need to post this to Tumblr. You're not lying to anyone. I know you're worried about that still. If you want to give yourself a label, you'd be bisexual. You're not a lesbian. So please, don't worry about it"

"I don't understand how you're so cool with everything"

"I love you, Dianna. I'd do anything for you which means I will wait until you are ready. I'm completely ready to come out but I wont do it without you. Now don't feel guilty about that. I'm fine with staying in the closet. To me it wont matter either way. Coming out would mean I'd get to show the world that you're mine, I'd get to kiss you in public, we'd be free. It sounds great but I'd hate it if you weren't happy with it"

"How are you so okay about coming out?"

"I made up my mind a long time ago about this... but we've had this conversation before, Di. I don't want to keep telling you what could happen to us when we come out because it will make you feel even more scared or pressured. I don't want that for you. Please, just post the blog. I know you feel awful about it but you're crumbling more and more as each second goes by wondering what people are thinking about you. I can't bare to see you hurting like this"

Dianna pulled away from their warm embrace and took Lea's hand tightly into her own as her free hand gripped the computer mouse. Her bottom lip quivered and she hovered over the posting link. Lea watched as the blondes breathing got faster and felt her hand shaking. The look on her face made Lea want to cry.

Slowly and silently the brunette lifted her free hand and placed it softly on top of Dianna's which was on the computer mouse.

"Ready?" she asked. Dianna nodded. Lea kissed her on the shoulder before pressing down on the button which made the blog be posted. She continued to place kisses on her girlfriends shoulder as felt her shake in her arms and felt her breathing heavy and irregular.

"It's okay" she whispered. Dianna wondered how she had been blessed with such a wonderful woman in her life.

"I'm so sorry" she said, her voice breaking. Lea knew how she was feeling again. It had happened many times before but it never got easier for her to handle.

"Hey, come on. There's nothing to be sorry for, okay? You just take your time. I'm not going anywhere"

Dianna nodded against her after throwing her arms around her girlfriend. Lea smiled into her chest and stood up carefully and slowly walked them both over to their bed in the hotel.

"Hi" the brunette smiled as they lay facing each other on the bed, their hands on one anothers hips. Dianna broke into a smile and leant forwards to kiss her.

"Thank you... for everything" she said quietly. Lea was just about to respond before she heard a knock at the door. After giving Dianna another kiss, she climbed off the bed and opened the door. A small smile came to Dianna's face when she heard the voice.

"I've just seen it. How is she?" Amber asked while walking through the room before noticing the blonde laying on the bed looking exhausted. Lea didn't respond, but knelt down by the side of the bed where Dianna was and stroked her hair from behind.

Amber crawled onto the bed and took the blondes head in her hands and kissed her forehead.

"I'm so proud of you" she said, knowing how much the woman was struggling with other people knowing her sexuality.

"I couldn't do it" Dianna sighed while trying to get up but was stopped when Lea kept her in place. She kissed her neck and smiled up at Amber.

"You still made progress, girl"

"I guess. Thank you" she smiled.

"Chris, Jenna and Kevin will probably be here soon, if that's okay?" she asked while looking at Lea for permission. She again smiled in response and nodded once before looking back down at her girlfriend, still stroking her hair.

"Nothing to worry about now, baby" Lea whispered to her, kissing the top of her head and smiling against her. They had yet again brushed off the rumors but none of that mattered to Lea as long as she still had Dianna. "You being happy is all that matters to me"


End file.
